MRI

Saturday I had an MRI and I now know what it feels like to be a quarter that gets shoved into a video game machine. First they cram you down this narrow tube that you barely fit in and then the machine starts shacking and you hear all these loud noises (eeeeh-eeeeh-eey-ey-ey-ey) for about 20 minutes. At the end of the whole thing the machine spit me out and my ass felt like it got kicked by a big burly magnet.

Actually I was kinda nervous about getting in the machine and as I laid down on the conveyer belt bed thing I had a mini panic attack. As the bed started to move into place I felt suffocated, this was especially bad since both of my shoulders got scrunched into the tight space. Finally I was inside the machine (did I mention that the technician gave me two sets of ear plugs because as he put it "it gets kinda loud in there"?) and then I hear this voice from a speaker saying "try to relax, I am going to start the first scan." And then it starts... WUM WUM WUM WUM-EHEHEHEH-BROOM-BROOM-BROOM-BROOM for 5 minutes straight. Once I started getting used to it the sound stopped and then the technican told me he was going to start the second scan which lasted for 10 minutes and was twice as loud and annoying. Then this stopped and I got another 10 minutes of ear-shattering sound that was so loud that it made the entire machine vibrate (or maybe the machine was vibrating so much that it made the noise but either way you get the picture). Finally the sounds end and I am expecting him to cart me out and instead I hear “Um something with this scan was odd and I am going to do it again”… “do it again????” At this point I am cramping up, gotta pee, and worried that the machine is malfunctioning and magnetizing me. Finally it was over and he carted me out but every time I walk by a TV the image turns green.